I was tagged by Asoom!

1- What is your favorite quotable line from a movie?
I am not a big quote person, in fact it kind of drives me batty when people love to quote things. So I don’t have one
2-Who is the most famous person you have spoken to?
Um… no one?
3-How many bags/boxes of potato chips are consumed at your place in a month?
Boxes? Eeek. A bag a month, esp hot dog season which is well… um… year round since I have my little baby grill.
4-Who is your all time favorite cartoon character?
Chilly Willy!
5-What foreign food dish do you prepare from scratch and serve?
I don’t think I make any “foreign” food… I’ve mostly made Italian and Asian-eque before.
6-What is your favorite section of the supermarket?
Chocolate. Yum And coffee creamers. I was in a supermarket one time and so excited about there being just so many creamers to enjoy that I crashed the cart into a display. And then I started laughing, and yes I was all by myself but I found it funny.

7-What was your high school teams mascot and what were the school’s colors?
Warriors! Maroon and white!

Put music player on shuffle for these questions:
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Wolfie is in training to be like Dooce’s dog Chuck. Obedience is so fun to mess with What should go on head next?

I can’t believe fall is coming - you can feel it in the air, hear it, and feel it. I was good yesterday and today and got my stuff done, along with this truly electrifying boards studying, so I am feeling much better about things. There’s of course more to do of this kind of stuff, especially applying for residency but the ball is rolling now!

I just want to thank everyone for their support during this time. I know many of you have made comments, sent emails, cards, etc and it’s been really awesome to have that kind of support. One of the fun things I was sent was a heart Chakra creature made by SwordMama! Wolfie was a very good doggie and I even got him to mimic holding the creature with his one paw… hollywood watch out… Wolfie’s coming!! Wolfie did try to steal this toy for himself and his very large toy collection, but since I told him no he’s been leaving the creature alone.

Every time I try to upgrade my iphone software it get stuck in the install process. :-/ Today I made a trip to the apple store where it got the latest software and I continued on my way. I think next time they release new software I’ll just go over to the apple store and do it there I can play with the cool computers too hehe!

Some other pictures I took today:

I thought about complaining about how much I hate studying for boards, but then I thought to myself wouldn’t it be amazing if I got through this entire time without complaining about it… or at least here. So I am saving all my gripes to my buddies who are also studying for the boards and we will have a pity party for ourselves - haha!

I’ve been very inward recently, and I often struggle with what’s the right way to be. It’s amazing how you can tell people that they can grieve whatever way they want to, yet you don’t have the same ability to be comfortable in your own grief and your own grieving process. So I think I end up questioning instead of just feeling whatever it is that is going on inside of me. I also have been having a hard time just getting myself to do things that I need to do. It’s hard not to get very frustrated with myself about that. I’m always my own worst critic. This is a big time of year for me with boards and applying for residency and it just is not easy to be in this emotional zone where I am just not at peace with all that is going on inside of me. Just need to push myself, I know the longer I wait with these things the worse I feel and unmotivated to do it!

Overall though the weekend was good! It started out most terribly but ended up being great

My buddy requested this as she was getting confused what I was and all. It is pretty confusing, and so I hope that if you were confused this makes it cleared… I will add that this route has many deviations, some specialities have their own way of doing this path.

Thought this would be fun. Everything has been so serious lately, and life is just going to get more serious with studying for boards and the whole applying to residency thing. I need some lighter fare here!! Speaking of which, I am doing nothing but studying for boards until Sept 17th and it’s going. It just isn’t very much fun to wake up and know you have an entire day of studying, day after day.

Moving on to the personality test - Your personality tendencies in a nutshell… (and if you want to take it go here, and click on guess myself now!)

You are very dependable and almost always follow through with your commitments. You value different and aesthetic experiences more than the average person. You tend to be relaxed in most situations and can handle stress well. You are typically respectful toward others and dislike confrontation. You are outgoing and sociable in most social situations.

About that “Disciplined” bubble… To always be responsible and dependable gets too heavy at times and you just have to shirk it all sometimes of and do something that is wild and crazy, like going to sleep WITHOUT brushing your teeth. Come and do your worst, dental bacteria! No one is arguing that you are not reliable; it’s just that you differ from your very high conscientious peers in that you also have some streaks of impulsivity and can make some spontaneous decisions, rather than lumbering through all of the alternative scenarios. Maybe you’re disorganized (God forbid), or perhaps you like to leave your dirty socks all over the house (the horror), or you’re a procrastinator (that’s the worst one of all). Whatever is the case, you are not conscientious to the extent that you bore people with your stodgy ways.
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This week I returned back to my apartment, and am attempting to get back into life. Mainly doing studying for the boards, catching up with friends, taking care of things that were long neglected. I cleaned my room last night and it was such a testament to this whole experience - piles of clothes, unpacked from various trips home that I just kind of dropped there and ran out because I had to get back to my Dad. So my life is getting back into order slowly, and just working on getting my emotions out a little bit and taking it from there.

Yesterday was a perfect day for the memorial for my Dad. It was beautiful out so people could go outside and see the garden and we got the mosquitoes under control - otherwise they ate you alive!! Everything just came together so perfectly. I’ll give you a little mini tour, although I took the pics before everyone came over and the sunlight was really bright so a lot of the pics aren’t really that great.

Come in, this is my dining room where we have lots of windows so we can see the garden as we eat.

Let me show you pictures my Mom and I put together:

If you want to a closer up the pics click here. I put some notes on the close up if you’d like to know more about the pictures.

Let’s see the garden.

Farther in the backyard are the veggie gardens.

My dad grew many things over the years here, but this year there are tomatoes, zucchini, peppers, and Japanese herbs. Don’t forget to say hi to Wolfie

Come back inside and have some food, lots of people brought really yummy stuff!! I made key lime cupcakes:

The day went so well, and it was wonderful to see all the people who came. I know some people in my life were not able to make it - and I know that they were there in spirit supporting me as well. It’s really hard to believe that my Dad is gone, as I was baking the cupcakes with my mom, I could just imagine my Dad coming in wondering what we were doing and trying to steal a sample… and then as people were over just imagine him strolling in and saying hello… it’s really hard to know that he won’t be doing that anymore.

I also know that I am kind of focused on this, but it was hard to have my white coat picture and my college graduation picture together because I so wanted another picture there of my Dad and I at my med school graduation. I don’t think my Dad really understood how hard I worked until I got to medical school - and there was something about the way he talked about me being in medical school that was different. I remember when we were in the ER when this all started and he asked me if he would be there for my graduation, and being that I knew already he had metastatic lesions in his liver it was impossible to say. But I am an eternal optimist, so I told him I hope so! And I know at one point during all of this he said he would be there watching me but I really wish he could be there, and I am just going to miss him so much!!

Tomorrow we’re doing the very non-traditional memorial service (if it really even fits into that) for my Dad. My mom and I spent a lot of today getting ready for it. I know it’s going to be a very emotional day, but I know that people are coming to love and support my family and will help all of us get through it. My mom and I put together pictures for tomorrow, and it was such a mix of remembering good times, feeling joy in seeing the smiles - and then this just longing to say “Daddy, do you remember this? Or this?”

I’ve started to return to normal life the past couple of days. I am not longer on leave from school, instead I am studying for the boards*. This way I won’t have to make up any extra time, and if I need to have a “moment” I can without having to explain anything or being embarrassed. I know some of you who were with me for Step 1 of the boards can remember what a miserable, complaining existence that was but I know this time won’t be quite as high pressure and awful. Studying for step 1 truly was on of the darkest times of my life on so many different levels. I know some people have expressed concern about how can I study with all that’s happened, and I have always been one of those people who is forward thinking and this is what is best for me- keep truckin!!

As far as dealing with all of this, I am not sure what to tell you about it! I feel pretty numb still, and like it’s not quite real in many ways. I didn’t interact with my dad in my normal daily life for the most part, so being here and studying for boards doesn’t put it in my face. I printed out a picture of him and I so I can smile at him while I’m studying and I know he’s there cheering me on since boards studying is … ha well not exactly the most fun thing to do!

* There are 3 steps to the boards: Step 1 at the end of 2nd year, Step 2 taken sometime during 4th year, and then Step 3 is during internship. This has nothing to being board certified in whatever specialty like internal medicine, obgyn, cardiology etc. That’s a whole other exam after residency. The fun never ends